Published in Kingstown College Coaching Magazine 2019/2020
This awareness is a huge step towards becoming the best version of herself she can be as it brings peace with the understanding of who she is in her core.
Isabelle Gillespie puts forward the analogy of the Tree of Life to help individuals to identify outward roles they are fulfilling (branches) and the true (Core) inner self, which as she explains, are not always known or aligned.
Each one of us is a unique special person. Like a Tree which presents one trunk and many branches, we are made up of a core which represents the essence of who we are as an individual. Our core expands in many branches with each representing a facet of us, an aspect of who we are: the wife, the husband, the son, the daughter, the mom, the dad, the grandma , the grandpa, the cousin, the aunt, the uncle…. the friend, the individual at work with his/her title…. depending on which stage of our lives we are in and our social circumstances. We can call these facets “likenesses”.
When the tree flowers and bear fruits, all of its branches receive mineral sap. Mineral sap comes from the Earth, it is water and minerals that are absorbed through the root system. In the leaves, the process of photosynthesis transforms it in organic sap, containing sugars that are enabling the tree to grow. Each part of the tree is essential to its life. They are connected and each has a purpose. A single branch cannot live on its own.
In order to become the best we can be it is crucial to define and be aware of the core of who we are, the me, from whom comes all of our likenesses. Me is my anchor, the conscience of who I am as an individual. My true self. My true self feeds from some of the energy/experience gathered in some likenesses and redirect some energy/experience to other likenesses. This give and take has the purpose of creating balance.
It would be very difficult to be truly fulfilled if one decides to rather be a single likeness and forget the rest of what he/she is. This is going into denial, into denying that we are many in one and that it is the source of our complexity as human beings.
A tree is well anchored in Earth, it has balance in its roots and branch system in order to stand straight, its crown symmetrical.
In the same way we have to have balance between the different parts of us and it can be done by acknowledging core and likenesses.
How does the concept of the tree of life and core can be useful for a coach?
The concept is powerful tool of self reflection.
Core means who we really are. It is about coming back to our bone marrow, to our essence, to take the time to reflect and define the “me“. It is about finding the balance between the likenesses around our core. The core is our anchor.
How do we achieve that?
The coach has a huge treasure box to sort out as the knowledge of who the person is can be completely non existent if the person is lost into the most important of her ‘now likeness‘.
For example, some women thrive to be moms. Once they are moms they forget to be the wife to their husband, the friend to their friends, the colleague at work, the daughter, the aunt…Everything becomes secondary after the child. They are lost in their now likeness, which is, being mom. Yet, being mom is only a branch of her Tree of Life. Not her whole tree. It’s like looking at something through a microscope. Enhanced, clear, intense, but also a distortion of reality.
The coach has to lead the person through his questions to the self discovery journey of herself, in other words to define her core, her likenesses. See if she has the consciousness of either.
Start with writing down a list of adjectives that the person feel define her at the beginning of the session.
(The coach can double check that list later on with the key words that came up during the self discovery journey: Is there ‘par‘ between the first list aka feeling of who the person think she is and what appears to be her core? Or is the ‘par‘ happening more with what appears to be one of her likenesses, probably her ‘now likeness’?)
Some of the following powerful questions could help identify the likenesses and the core:
- How would you describe who you are now?
- Is it different from whom you were? How?
- Is it different from whom you thought you would be?
- Can you get a sense of who you are as a person and describe it?
- How does it feel?
- What is fully contented for you?
- How do you define contentment?
- What is the picture of happiness for you?
- Who is in that picture?
- Has the picture changed? How? When?
- If tomorrow you could be whatever you want to be what will it be? With who? Where? How would it feel?
- What would be missing?
- What is whole for you?
- The challenge for the coach is to grow the understanding of the person about herself in terms of core and likenesses.
- What are her likenesses? Identify them, explore them.
- Which are the common parts between these likenesses as they get together to form her core? (Here we work backwards in a way as it is from the core that likenesses branch out).
Through intuition and listening skills, the coach will be able to get the mental picture projected by the person. He can write down the key words which can be names of likenesses, their respective attributes (among which lay values, strengths, beliefs), or/and pieces of core, and share them with the client. Ask the person if the word sounds more likeness? More core?
The key for the coach is to help the client to get a clear vision and understanding of where she stands, “Am I in my core or am I lost in one likeness, my now likeness? “ If the latest, the coach has to extract the person from that likeness and bring her to define her core. To stand. To live. To realise and be who she really is. A whole human being that has many interactions with many different people in her life. That achieving can take many different forms. That being one likeness instead of a whole is restrictive and ultimately unsatisfactory.
Following our example, one day kids are grown up and leave to live their own lives. Then, what about the woman that is stuck into her mom likeness? She thinks… what now? Friends are living their lives, disconnected from her. Husband might still be around but used to be a shadow rather than a light in her life. But most importantly she is disconnected from herself, with no core consciousness that would enable her to move forward.
Using the picture of the tree
To make the coaching work more tangible, the coach can use the picture of the tree as a support during the session. Each likeness identified is one branch. Put its name on one branch along with its main characteristics (here there can be values or beliefs or strengths linked to that particular likeness). Carry on with the next likeness/branch. Once all the likenesses have been put as branches and their characteristics listed, the coach can:
Either ask the person which element of the likeness relates to who she really is. You have found a piece of core that can be drawn on the trunk.
Either circle the common characteristics between the different likenesses, they are all pieces of core and can be drawn on the trunk.
Conclusion
Ultimately using the tree of life and core concept is a tool enabling a person to become aware of who she really is. This awareness is a huge step towards becoming the best version of herself she can be as it brings peace with the understanding of who she is in her core. A unity of likenesses which can coexist in balance and exchange energy.
As a living tree which can lose a branch and regrow one from a sleeping bud, we are also able to shed one likeness and reinvent another one. It is the beauty of life mixed with the complexity of the human being, one strong core, many likenesses to sustain it, enrich it and grow it.
By Isabell Gillespie
In Isabell Gillespie’s own words, “My river of life has brought me to this moment in time where I embrace the coaching experience. It gives me the understanding and context to help me help people all over the world to reach their potential and their goals.
Openness, curiosity, learning, enquiring, solving, passionate and resilient are all part of me. Born from my time studying for a PhD in sciences at the University of Bretagne Occidentale (Brest), France. Where meeting people from different countries, cultures and religions, framed my mind and life.
Fortunate to have lived in many countries, I grew, assimilating different ways of living and thinking. In France and internationally I’ve been fortunate to interact with and teach a few generations of students, sharing my passion for the living and its environment. Today I call myself an international and feel like a world citizen.
Coaching is an amazing experience that will transform you and your life. I welcome anyone who reaches out to me.”
