One of the hardest habits for new coaches—and many experienced leaders—to overcome isn’t asking better questions. It’s resisting the urge to solve the problem.
Most of us genuinely want to help. We hear someone describe a challenge, our brain recognises a familiar pattern, and within seconds we’re mentally assembling solutions.
That’s the fixing reflex.
For many professionals, this reflex has been rewarded throughout their careers. IT professionals are trained to identify the fault and restore service as quickly as possible. Leaders are often expected to make decisions and remove obstacles. Those with military or emergency service backgrounds are developed to assess situations rapidly and take decisive action.
In these contexts, solving problems isn’t just useful—it’s essential.
But coaching is different.
Coaching isn’t about solving the first problem
One of the shifts we help our learners make is recognising that the issue presented at the start of a coaching conversation is often only the surface of what is really going on.
Performance management, troubleshooting and consulting all have an important place. They are designed to identify problems, generate solutions and create accountability.
Coaching serves a different purpose.
Rather than moving immediately towards an answer, coaching invites us to become curious about what sits psychologically upstream from the problem. The presenting issue may be real, but it may also be a symptom of something deeper: a belief, a fear, an assumption, a relationship dynamic, or a systemic issue that has yet to be explored.
When we rush to solve the first available problem, we may inadvertently prevent the coachee from discovering the issue that really needs their attention.
Three mindsets to help quiet the fixing reflex
1. Ask yourself: Is this a symptom or the cause?
When someone describes a challenge, resist the temptation to assume you’ve reached the heart of the matter.
What looks like a communication problem may actually be a confidence issue. What appears to be procrastination may be driven by uncertainty or fear. What seems like conflict may have its roots in unclear expectations or organisational dynamics.
Instead of asking, “How do we fix this?”, first ask yourself, “What else might be happening here?”
2. Remember: They know this problem better than I do.
This is one of the most humbling assumptions a coach can hold.
The coachee has been living with this challenge every day. They’ve already thought about it, worried about it, experimented with different approaches and experienced what has—and hasn’t—worked.
I’ve been hearing about it for five minutes.
If an obvious solution occurs to me immediately, there’s a good chance they’ve already considered it.
Rather than adding another suggestion to the pile, I can offer something far more valuable: the space and questions that help them think differently.
3. Practise saying to yourself: I don’t know.
This may be the hardest mindset of all.
Not because we lack knowledge, but because we are choosing not to lead with it.
There is something profoundly different about entering a conversation with the intention of hosting another person’s thinking rather than demonstrating your own expertise.
The coach doesn’t need to have the best answers.
The coach needs to create the conditions in which better thinking can emerge.
The gap isn’t always informational
One observation I’ve become increasingly aware of is this:
We have a tendency to treat a psychological gap as though it’s an information gap.
Someone appears stuck.
We assume they need more information.
So we offer advice.
But often they already know what to do.
What’s missing isn’t knowledge. It’s confidence. Perspective. Permission. Self-belief. Courage. Or simply the opportunity to think out loud without someone rushing to fill the silence.
Sometimes our urge to fix says more about us than it does about the person sitting opposite us.
We become uncomfortable with uncertainty, silence or emotion, and solving becomes a way of relieving our own anxiety rather than serving the client’s thinking.
Holding the space instead
Many of the coaching skills we teach are really skills in managing ourselves.
Listening deeply enough to hear what isn’t being said.
Asking questions that encourage reflection rather than confirmation.
Resisting the temptation to demonstrate expertise.
Becoming comfortable with silence while another human being makes sense of their own experience.
These aren’t passive skills. They require intention, discipline and practice.
The next time you notice yourself reaching for a solution, pause for a moment.
Ask yourself:
Am I responding to their need—or to my own discomfort with not knowing?
The quality of the coaching conversation may depend on the answer.
Alan Brereton PCC, Senior Practitioner, ESIA
Kingstown College
