Published in Kingstown College Coaching Magazine 2020/2021
An important element of coaching is the ability to adapt to the needs of the coachee.
John Tracey coached two people in their mid-20s who have been working remotely since March. John has discovered, although they brought the same goal to the coaching session “increasing my self-confidence”, different approaches were required to achieve positive outcomes.
I believe an important element of coaching is the ability to adapt to the needs of the coachee. When presented with scenarios that at first appear similar, it is important to ‘listen’ to what your intuition tells you too.
From April to August, I coached a number of people in their mid-20s who expressed their coaching goal as being to ‘increase my self-confidence.’ On the face of it, a similar goal, but the coachees were coming from different starting points as illustrated in the following examples. The coachees are graduates and have been working for 2-3 years in professional services, but did not work in the same teams.
‘Anne*’ had been successful in sport, playing at a provincial level, but all the while felt like an impostor; that it was somehow a mistake that she had been selected to the team. This permeated into her work context. In the second instance, ‘Beth*’ felt intimidated by the educational achievements of her peers, who were perceived as ‘superior’ or ‘more qualified’ and added to her self-doubt. ‘Beth’ is a double graduate in different disciplines and had successfully run a small business.
(* not their real name)
Pre-Covid, working as part of a team in an office setting, it was possible for each to find support amongst their respective teams. There were colleagues to bounce ideas off over a casual coffee, or to peer review work ad hoc and give supportive, constructive feedback. The social aspects of a co-located team provided for a level of self-confidence and peer support.
what was being presented as ‘Reality’ didn’t match the evidence being provided
However, with working from home (WFH) , this support was absent and was not meaningfully replaced by virtual communication. They were in different parts of the country, back living with their parents and in a distinctly non-work environment. There was no easy access to the same kind of support available in the traditional office setting and in the absence of this support, self-doubt and negative introspection grew.
Self-Perception
I brought the GROW model into the opening coaching session in each case. It became clear when working through the Reality, that there was a need to go deeper into the coachees self-perception. What was being presented as ‘Reality’ didn’t match the evidence being provided. They were being recognised as performing well in appraisals and yet they felt that this was not accurate based on their self-perception. I asked them questions to inquire about their perception of themselves and subsequently decided to explore their awareness of their strengths. I took a strengths-based approach with both, and I asked each coachee to list their strengths.
When Anne spoke about her sporting achievements, she focused on negative feedback to the near complete exclusion of the positive. Not being selected for the provincial team was seen as a failure and an embarrassment whereas being selected for the team was put down to luck rather than ability. As we progressed through the exercise the indications of her strengths came out; technical ability, commitment to meeting deadlines, accuracy in details, relationship building. However, she did not rate these as being important nor did she consider 6+ years of work experience as a strength. As we went through the SOAR model, she began to realise she was more capable then she believed and that she had disregarded some of her key strengths because they were not conscious actions, they were “just things I do without really thinking.” When we talked about the impact of not doing these things, both to Anne and her wider team, the realisation of their importance as strengths became clear and how her negative perception was not justified. We used the SOAR model to re-frame Anne’s perception of her strengths into actionable opportunities for development points to raise her self-awareness. Journaling helped to record situations and outcomes, and this yielded a further positive response. She then worked to re-frame her point of view and to be more aware of her positives and capability to develop her strengths. A quote from Julie Starr resonated strongly; “I am both enough and still capable of more.” This quote curbed the self-criticism and encouraged change for the better.
The difference now is that she understands the source of the anxiety and can respond to it.
On the other hand, Beth had good awareness of her strengths and was able to support them with appropriate examples. She has qualifications as a healthcare professional as well as a business degree. One of her main strengths is dealing with people and building rapport. She also felt that she had a lot of relevant knowledge but lacked the confidence to express herself in meetings or in a group dynamic. She became anxious and self-doubting when faced with the prospect of having to contribute in these settings and feared she would look foolish to her colleagues. When it came to delivering a presentation, she would prepare thoroughly and have her script written. However, she found that if she was distracted or interrupted from her script, she would become flustered and have difficulty getting back on track. Beth’s method of dealing with anxiety and self-doubt was to try to control as many aspects of the interaction as possible. We worked through the CIA model and looked hard at what Beth could realistically expect to control or influence in a variety of situations. The restrictions due to Covid-19 were also a factor in the overall sense of not being in control. Beth journaled her group activity at work for a number of weeks: preparation, presentation and feedback from a trusted colleague and how she was feeling at each stage. Over time she was able to sit with her anxiety and take it apart to understand that a key element was fear of looking foolish to others. Through this reflection process she began to understand how her perception of her performance was contrary to the observed feedback. Accepting that it was tolerable to cede control was not easy but being able to focus on what could be controlled helped. Over a period of three months Beth became more self-confident and less reliant on scripting. She would still prepare thoroughly, but she trusted herself more to contribute in meetings, albeit with some underlying anxiety. The difference now is that she understands the source of the anxiety and can respond to it.
These are just two examples of scenarios where the goal is similar but required different approaches to bring about positive change for the coachees. What they highlight to me is the importance of actively ‘listening’ with all your senses and adapting your approach to bring the best outcome for the coachee.
Covid-19 and the restrictions we face day-to-day as a result are having a profound effect on many people. Situations that would be tolerable and manageable in pre-Covid-19 circumstances are accentuated and may become difficult and even intolerable when support structures are no longer present. Working from home has presented challenges in the form of lack of peer support and opportunity for self-doubt. Back in March-April there was a certain novelty with WFH, but this is not the case as we head into another period of more severe restrictions. Social contact provided by a workplace is a strong emotional support for people who now work alone at home. Virtual meetings and video calls can’t replace the physical one to one coffee and chat that can mean a great deal to people. It’s often when we can’t do something that we miss it and that we realise the small things are big things when it comes to our wellbeing and self-care.
By John Tracey
John Tracey is a Senior Manager in EY Technology Consulting. He has been coaching colleagues for a number of years and completed the Advanced Diploma in Personal, Leadership and Executive Coaching earlier this year at Kingstown College. He has a keen interest in people developing themselves, professionally and personally and coaching allows him to be part of the journey. He is passionate about positive outcomes for coachees. He lives in Dublin with his wife and three children (& two dogs). He enjoys the outdoors and swims regularly in the sea. The mindfulness that comes from a plunge in cold water is hard to match!
